queen anne

Lately I have been feeling pretty down.

Being way short on bills every month has got me down.
Hardly seeing my husband and family has got me down.
No health insurance has got me down.
Nightmares every time I sleep has got me down.
My weight has got me down.
Chronic pain has got me down.
Lots of other shit I don’t really want to get in to.

Sometimes I just feel like saying fuck it,
and stopping.
Just stopping everything I do, all the bullshit
and starting to really live.

I used to struggle with depression/manic depression a lot.
I have been diagnosed major depressive, borderline personality disorder,
and borderline bipolar disorder in the past.
I know I still struggle with symptoms of borderline personality,
quite often.
Just ask my husband.
I went to treatment for it,
and have been doing well for few years now.
But sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I would still benefit
from therapy/medication.
I still get very down, defeated, deflated, and depressed.
And quite a lot these last few months…
Sometimes it physically hurts to crack a smile,
and carry on with my every day life.

Problems associated with Borderline Personality Disorder-
-Make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
-Have a pattern of difficult relationships caused by alternating between extremes of intense admiration and hatred of others.
-Have an unstable self-image or be unsure of his or her own identity.
-Act impulsively in ways that are self-damaging, such as extravagant spending, frequent and unprotected sex with many partners, substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving.
-Have frequent emotional overreactions or intense mood swings, including feeling depressed, irritable, or anxious.
-Have long-term feelings of emptiness.
-Have inappropriate, fierce anger or problems controlling anger. The person may often display temper tantrums or get into physical fights.
-Have temporary episodes of feeling suspicious of others without reason (paranoia) or losing a sense of reality.

There are quite a few of the above that I still have issues with.
If it weren’t for my loving and stable husband,
I would have MANY more issues than I do now.

I have tried Prozac, Wellbutrin, and Abilify in the past,
and none really helped, in fact they made things worse.
Prozac and Wellbutrin made me more depressed,
and Abilify made me very angry.
But I was also a teenager, and none of those are approved for younger people.
So that could be why.
Plus these are all anti-depressants, and maybe I need something else.

Unfortunately, without health insurance it would be very hard
for me to get evaluated, get medicine, and counseling.
Seeing as I already can’t pay my bills,
it would be impossible to pay out of pocket for these things.
I am the only one in my family without health insurance.
Even my husband has it, still on his parents plan.

Medical care is a luxury, and the rest of us just suffer in silence.
If you have health insurance, don’t take it for granted.
There are millions of people that would gladly have it if you don’t appreciate it.

I somehow make too much money for state health plans and food stamps,
yet I don’t have enough to pay bills, dine out ever, gas,
always have enough groceries, and medical care.
We go in to debt to do fun things.
But without the fun things, I would surely lose my mind completely.


So much for the land of opportunity, that shit went out the window long ago.
My generation will likely never be able to retire.
My generation can’t afford school,
and isn’t even guaranteed a job after college.
It’s like, why even bother trying to better your life when you will just be a part of the machine forever?

Work hard and you’ll succeed?
Not true.
I worked hard all last year to get my license in skin care,
and now I can’t find a job doing that pays more than minimum wage doing that.

Stay positive and things will come to you?
I like to think that, but it is hard to stay positive when there is a constant shit storm.

The Cat Daddy:

The Shuffle:

The Single Ladies Dance:

The Stanky Leg:

The Cyclone:

The Dougie:

By far the greatest post to ever surface on Tumblr.

(Source: jadeham13)